Tired....need to sleep more. (That drive on saturday is going to SUCK.)
Got home from work yesterday and took my time logging the last tape (so far...gonna shoot a very little more with Marshaun on Friday.) Went to White Horse to meet up with people.
Had the shit surprised out of me---Kelly and Brittany had made it down. No one was expecting them there. We didn't get a chance to sing with the three of us. :( Sang some karaokee, hung out with friends. Had 2 pitchers of Rum and Coke. It's a good thing Brittany drove Kelly in...she drove my car back home. I'd have had to wander campus for an hour or two, getting sober.
Galen, Carla, Eric, Lowell, Kelly, Brittany, Megan, Mandy, Amanda (friend of Lowell's...seems like a sweetie) were all there. Hoping to see Howie, Soley, and Kari on Friday, as well. Good people.
:: Mikel 11:50 AM [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, August 28, 2002 ::
Brittany called at 8:30 this morning to see if I wanted to head up to Chicago to hang with her and Kelly today, since they can't stay up there tomorrow. (Kelly has to work.) I can't go two nights in a row, so I'll just head up tomorrow to see Matt, who I don't see all that often, though it's tempting.
Took a bunch of stuff to Jarad's parents and loaded up their van. Could have brought more stuff, but this way I'll have a decent amount of my things out there, which'll be nice.
Tired. Really, really tired.
:: Mikel 11:32 AM [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, August 27, 2002 ::
Going to have to give up on a couple scenes from the film. grrrr.
Went to meet Marshaun today but we couldn't find each other on the quad...turned out to be Quad day. Great timing, eh? I did run into Nori (an old student), Melinda, Kari, and another girl I've met before while I was out there, which was cool. I've been running into people I haven't seen in years quite a bit lately. Not sure it's making things easier.
My firewire drive has been lying. 30GB turned into 10 when I was defragmenting it, which explians why it says I kept running out of space. I've got enough to probably get everything else now. Burn a few more discs tomorrow and finish downloading. I've got 84 CDs so far of burnt clips. That's a lot.
Saw Shaun and Chad Hughes' parents last night at Best Buy and Applebee's, repspectively.
Got an answer to something that has been gnawing at me for awhile. (Well, pretty much have my answer.) Not exactly what I'd hoped, but probably for the best. I wish these things were more controlable, but you can't control you heart. I've tried. You only end up falling more for the wrong person.
A lot to do between now and Saturday. Going to visit Matt in Chicago on Thursday. Small party/gathering on Friday. Karaoke on Wednesday. Not going to get to see the Mafia because they postponed the show a week. :( Makes things I have to do tonight easier, but still....
:: Mikel 3:19 PM [+] ::
...
:: Thursday, August 22, 2002 ::
Last night was good.
Picked up "She's Full of Secrets: Critical Approaches to Twin Peaks." Looking through it, it seems to be better then the similar one for Buffy (though I'm looking forward to reading the article on Asian Cinema's influences in Buffy). Also got the Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown Collector's DVDs, cheaply, at Best Buy.
Hung out with Eric for a little while before going to White Horse. Had a great time. Sucked at the first song I sang, Drops of Jupiter, which is slightly out of my range. I've performed infront of more people then were there last night and never had a problem. However, until I have a few drinks in me, I'm a little nervous at Karaoke. After I had a bit, I was fine and seemed to do well. Sang with Eric, Brittany, Kelly, Megan, Kari, and Meghan on a few songs. Saw Ariel and talked to her briefly.
We had, at the table next to us, this absolutely adorable brunette. Tiny thing, cute as hell. At one point, she was sort of getting her groove on, but looked a bit self-concious. Should have gone over and talked to her. I was in full fun mode last night...had a really good time. Danced with Britt and Kelly. Got molested by Britt, Kelly, and Mandy. (Gee, that's rough, ain't it?)
This is the sort of shit I should have been doing during college. Worked too much.
Tonight, we do some shooting.
:: Mikel 11:58 AM [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, August 21, 2002 ::
Things I've learned from cutting the film,thus far:
Let scenes breathe at the begging and the end more. These help with transitions into and out of the scene, as well as allowing extra time for reactions, which are cut short if action is called too quickly.
Transitions look very natural on the page but could easily be jarring in the film. Pillow shots, japanese film technique that uses a nature shot to show passage of time, are very helpful.
I wouldn't want someone else to put my stuff together. Rodriguez has the right idea. One of the joys of film, and theatre, is that it's a collaboartive medium. However, since editing is such a re-construction of the work... one that con completely alter it... I'm not sure I'd trust someone else to do it. Help with it, yes, but I'd need to be the one doing it. The more you do on your own, the better off you are.
It's coming together better then I'd expected. Music, of course, will add a good deal to the dramatic tension.
The next film is 90-minutes. 5 characters max. 2-3 days of time passing and only a few locations.
I've got two more tapes to download, I'll be trying to get one tonight. Probably won't get any editing done tonight, but that's okay.
Haven't been sleeping much. Woke up the other morning at 6am with too much on my mind. Head keeps spinning around and around a whole lot of things.
Gone in a week and a half. It's probably for the best, but I can't help but feel very mixed about it. Things'll turn out. Looks like I might be helping organize an Improv jam and hopefully some other stuff, in NY. Getting shit lined up early.
Worked on Saturday, which was cool since I saw Sarah during the day at Espresso and, not knowing I was working, she came to the club with Brennan, Melissa (who is an absolute doll....I just want to pick her up and squeeze her) and Lauren and some others. It was good to see them and gave me something to do while working.
Sunday was fun, though the cast isn't much for parties. Got to see the clips and people had to take off. Bill came later and hung out with me, Kelly, and Lowell for awhile. He had never seen the Big Lebowski, and everyone I know is always up for seeing that one again. So we watched it. yay! We chatted for awhile until Eric, Britt, Mandy, Kari, and Megan showed up, where we chatted more and ended up downstairs. People left around 2:30am or so. It was a good time and was a bit of a cuddle-fest by the end, which is always nice.
Kelly kicks ass. I missed her.
Going to download more clips tonight...maybe watch Singing in the Rain. Possibly do some editing later toinght.
Ran into Ariel, the cute girl at White Horse, this afternoon and chatted with her between cars for a bit. I'll see her at the bar on Wednesday, at least.
:: Mikel 2:28 PM [+] ::
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:: Friday, August 16, 2002 ::
I went to Espresso Royale last night to get editing done. At home, I have a huge variety of distraction. (Need to see Singing in the Rain, which Melinda lent me, and I just got The Blade in....great martial arts film.) I was also being asked a ton of question by the 'rents (I miss having my own place) and really just wanted to be left alone for awhile. So, I went in and plugged in the computer, firewire drive, hooked up the keyboard, and got read to do some editing.
Some of what I learned:
1: The cuts looked sudden and very obvious. This freaked me out until I wanted the TV for a bit. When you're looking for the cuts yes, they look awkward. When you're not, you don't notice them. That's why they're called cuts. They're supposed to be sudden. It's difficult to pull yourself back when watching your own stuff (at least at this point in my editing experience) without the cuts seeming far too disconcerting because that's what you're paying attention to.
2: Treat Premiere on my computer with kid gloves. Be patient. Be slow with moving things around while it's in the middle of a clip. It's faster to watch that 30-second clip AGAIN then it is to reboot the computer, shut everything but Systray and Explorer down, and restart Premiere.
3: Save often.
4: I should have started editing during the shooting. I'm seeing a few shots I want to go back and get...pillow shots, mostly, but still...
5: Save often.
6: Why the FUCK does the screen just go black on occassion and the computer reboot itself? Why the FUCK does this always happen right when I'm doing something and forgot to save the last 2-3 cuts.
7: Editing scenes that are done in one, and we have several, is much, much easier then ones with lots of cuts. I should do those first, just to get them out of the way.
8: Keeping a log before I got into editing of clip qualitiy wouldn't have helped me much. I still feel the need to rewatch all the clips for a scene and then piece them together.
9: I may actually get a rough cut done before I go. Yay.
:: Mikel 10:37 AM [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, August 14, 2002 ::
So, after Premiere crashed, I went back up and re-edited the sequence. Saved it halfway through and didn't run into any problems. (Part of this may have been because I was able to do it without having to check the footage quite so much. A second computer could make that really helpfull, actually, processing wise.)
It was fun, so far. I did a bit with sound in the one that froze and was able to do it without having to do the sound trick the second time. (I think. Can't quite remember...I may have done it both times.) On the smaller scenes, editing will be pretty easy, but the longer ones are going to need a lot of preplanning to make sure I know generally what clips will go where so I don't end up watching every clip to see if something else needs to go there. The long ones are gonna suck.
Keyboard went out today. Thought it was the connector, which was looking a bit off, so I got new connectors. Nope...keyboard. Hopefully I'll still need the connectors, because they were $10.
Karaoke tonight. Maybe.
:: Mikel 4:18 PM [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, August 13, 2002 ::
Spent a very nice few hours walking and talking with Melinda. She's a great person and should never let herself feel otherwise. I see great things from her.
In other news:
Editing is kind of fun
BUT
I got most of Scene 1 edited...about 10-12 cuts, perhaps, and was getting the last part of it ready to go when Premiere froze up. I need to save more often on my laptop.
*grumble grumble*
It's waiting upstairs. Most likely, it hasn't fixed itself.
:: Mikel 11:35 PM [+] ::
...
Got a headache.... possibly from eyestrain. not certain.
Went to bed at 11 last night, which is fairly early for me. Got up at 7 and couldn't go back to sleep. *grumble grumble* so i got in early and leave early. yay! Looking forward to Karaoke on Wednesday.
Was going to do some editing last night but, as I was going to finish up the last bunch of clips on Tape 9, the firewire drive ran out of space. Burnt a CD last night and I'm on the 8th CD today. Brought my computer in to work and have been having it burn CDs. If I can get 7 or so burnt in a day and keep this up, I can get most of the burning done here and not worry about it at home. I'm freeing up space, too. I'll download the last of Tape 9 and leave the rest of the tapes for later...think I may edit some tonight, depending. I could use a night off.
May give Melinda a call...see what she's up to. She's the sort of person I wish I'd met before now.... I don't know her all that well, but she strikes me as an amazing woman. Good head on her shoulders. Doesn't put up with my shit. Similar minded to myself in some ways. I'd like to leave as friends with her, but can't decipher what she thinks. If she doesn't want anything to do with me... if she wants to be friends, or what. She's someone I can't read, which is frustrating.
:: Mikel 3:43 PM [+] ::
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:: Monday, August 12, 2002 ::
I should make music videos. I'd have done a much better job of "I Know You're Outhere" by Our Lady Peace.
Music triggers a lot of visuals for me. I'd make it like a John Woo film.... the kind of video where people watch it as much for the visuals as for the song. People forget that, ideally, a video is more then just the band playing. There's no thought or creativity in that. Hell, Spike Jonze did some great work where the band isn't even featured. (Christopher Walken dancing in the hotel.) It's the kind of thing that you watch because it's a work of beauty on its own merits and not merely a lame advertisement for a band.
:: Mikel 11:22 AM [+] ::
...
Romatnically, my Cynic meter should probably be higher. My luck has never been particularly good.
Too much in my head, as always. A certain someone who invades my thoughts. Wish I could control that sort of thing... hell, if I figured out a way to do that, I could become rich. Most everyone wishes they could control their heart.
Anyways.....
Worked Friday and Saturday night. Fairly boring each night, but I got $60/night instead of the usual $50, which was nice. Shooting with John Tilford today at 1, which should be fun. There are only a very few scenes left, and we may be able to get most or all of them done this week.
One of my constant sources of amazment is my ability to lose the articulation and eloquence I have when what I'm saying leaves my vulnerable. Before and after, I have everything perfect in my head. I could sit down later and tell you everything I meant to have said and how it would have come out just right. When it comes to actually doing so, however, the pathway between my mouth and head get strangled. And it wasn't like the person I was talking to was even the one I'm worried about.
I'm reminded of, long ago, Rachel trying to find out what was wrong and I wasn't even able to tell her how in love I was with Betsy. It's rediculous, really. If I were a puritan, I'd be flagellating myself right now. Who knows...might work, except I don't generally enjoy the whole "pain" thing. It hurts.
I found out that it looks like I'll be able to do all the editing on my laptop. (yay!) Messed around with it over the weekend. I'll do more tonight...start getting serious about it. I also need to back up a ton of stuff so that I can clear off some space. I'll be bringing my computer into work so that I can burn CDs of the data and, during lunch, edit the film here, too.
I'd like to go to Allerton this week. Maybe spend the rest of it working my ass off on editing so that I may actually have a rough cut on Sunday. (Of course, hopefully we'll be able to do a little filming this week.)
Played Dance Dance Revolution with Eric for awhile the other night. Brittany came over last night and she, Erik, and I watched Adult Swim. I don't think I've ever laughed as hard and as consistently as I did while watching the shows they had on. The Brak Show and Space Ghost Coast to Coast are no-brainers. The Oblongs, Seaquest 2021, Harvey Birdman, and Home Movies were awesome. I was wiping tears out of my eyes for most of it. Home Movies has a Dr. Katz feel to it, but is more consistently funny.
:: Mikel 10:47 AM [+] ::
...
So Erik's going to be staying at my parents for a few nights, which is cool.
Last night, Becca and Laura bailed on us, but Liz, Mandy, Erik, and Galen all came out. Liz, Galen, Erik, and myself played Dance Dance Revolution for awhile before Mandy got there.
Mandy actually took her sweet time getting there. How surprising.
We swam for a bit in chilly waters and then went into the hot tub, which is was more of a warm tub. We ended up putting the cover back over the tub and letting it heat up. Mandy showed up and we ordered Pizza and watched Amelie, which is such a wonderful movie. A few things that I hadn't caught (such as why he runs after the man in the beggining....I thought he was running away from Amelie) became aparant. Everyone dug the movie. I'd watched the last part of the commentary on Say Anything before Liz, Galen, and Erik showed up.
I was actually downloading the segments where Galen (who's a sweetheart) played a would-be rapist. He got to watch the raw footage being downloaded.
He sounded like a pirate for a few of the takes, which I found very amusing.
We ended up back in the hot-tub later. Erik and Galen were going to jump back into the pool. After a bit, Liz went out to join them and Mandy and I chatted for a bit. We decided to join them, but everyone was standing on the pool deck talking... they'd chickened out. We got out of the hottub around 1am or so and we got changed and were talking in the kitchen until 2:30 or so, when everyone left.
It was fun, though I'm a bit on the tired side right now.
Finished Robert Rodriguez's Rebel Without a Crew the other day and I'm currently reading the Evil Dead Companion. (Well, I'm actually reading a printout of one of the people who did tech in Evil Deads' journal that he put online. It's a transcription of his diary from way back then in '79 and is sort of interesting. The Evil Dead Companion provides the url. It's now located at www.deadite.com.
Working tonight at the bar.
Fighting the urge to disappear off the face of the earth and show up in a few years as mankinds saviour, mainly because I haven't quite mapped out the road between those two points.
Wondering about some things. Tired of chains I can't seem to shed. Trying to be more optomisitic in parts of my life that I tend not to be.
:: Mikel 5:22 PM [+] ::
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:: Thursday, August 08, 2002 ::
Went to White Horse last night for Karaoke with Erik and Brittany. Liz showed up later and Mandy didn't make it. We had a good time.
Erik and I sang Stayin Alive (well, I sang Stayin Alive....you could barely hear Erik) and I sang Everything You Want by Athenaeum. A hot blonde who dances like a stripper asked if she could join me on it. She danced with me while we sang "Anything for Love" by Meatloaf later with Brittany and some guy named Kevin that she knows. Erik wanted me to get her number...he thought she was into me, but she seemed to be into an awful lot of people.
Had a good time, though. Got complimented on my voice by a few people, which was nice.
:: Mikel 10:45 AM [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, August 07, 2002 ::
One of the good things about being me is that I'm able to control my dreams. I used to be more adept at being pulled into other people's dreams, when they called me, but when my mind's been as muddled as it has been.... as full and as concerned.... I'm not so good at. I do not, however, have nightmares unless things have been really, really bad. (Very, very, very, very, very, very rarely.)
I have a reocurring.... daydream isn't quite the right word for it. It has to do with the way my mind works and, not being anyone else, I can't be entirely certain anyone else thinks like this. There's constantly narratives of some sort running through the back of my mind. Often, it's with stories that are half-formed. The beautiful thing about this is that some of them will spring up to me after forgetting them for years, fully formed and telling me how they go together. Dream of Heroes is in near-constant work back there, for example, and has evolved a lot in the 10 years its been in my head.
This one always begins the same and it's the closest thing to a nightmare I have. The draw to it is intense... it's part wish-fulfillment, part that scrape on the roof of your mouth from eating Fruit Loops that you can't stop tounging. I am, however, cognizant enough not only of reality, but of the way the mind and heart works to know that this is wish-fulfillment in the worst sense of the word.
For awhile, I'd have given anything to perform Dracula one last time with my best friend at my side--- no cancer eating at his life. My other friends--the first time I had any sense of belonging or family---there as well, without the difficulties stemming from Randy's sickness and death that eventually showed the worst part of too many people. Before they turned their backs on Randy and on me.I know now, of course, that this would only rip open wounds that haven't been tended to enough to truly heal. The unconcious, however, is tricky.
I'm in a dark room. It's cold and the air echoes in the way it only does in a theatre. A light slowly comes up around me. That set will forever be burned into my memory....even seeing part of it, I'd know it. I'm dressed as Renfield and am told that my wish has been granted. As hard as I try to fight it, as much as I beg for this not to happen, I'm pulled back into the performance. I have to watch this time and these people, who will never come again, one last time knowing that this is the end.
It's hard to explain to someone unless they either saw the performance (which made an impact on a great many people that I've talked to) or were part of it. None of us, even those who were more then twice my age and had been doing theatre all their lives, had ever been a part of anything like it before. It was that magic that theatre can draw up from the secret places we long ago forgot existed. And the sickness eating at the heart of one of the most loved in the production, one of the best friends I've known, seemed to pull us together even more.
It's why acting brings so much pain to me now.
I have to watch from offstage when I'm not on. And I know every scene counts down closer and closer to the ending. The audience is filled with all the people I've lost over my life. All the people I've loved; all the friends who've weaved their ways in and out of my life. At the end, during the bows, I watch everyone fade until it's just Randy and I in the spotlight. Held back, I fight desperately to somehow stop him from fading and there's nothing I can do. I have to lose him again. Powerless. Weak. Desperate.
While it could make for an excellent film, comic, even play if fleshed out more, I hate that I get drawn into it. I hate that it haunts me with another glimpse of that time that, no matter how desperatly I might wish to have it, know that even if it were available to me would lead to more pain and return me to the state I was in after his death.
I worked hard to keep myself together and stop myself from retreating completely after that happened. I had the help of some people who probably don't realize how much they helped me just by caring. I can't go back to that. I'm tired of visiting it.
Got another tape downloaded last night and picked up a stack of 100 blank CDs today. I ended up driving into and around Champaign last night. The house makes me antsy and I had so much shit on my mind that I had to get out for a little bit...try to distract myself.
Didn't work so well.
I looked, over lunch, for the Buffalo Tom 'greatest hits' album. Mainly for the song Larry. It's been running through my head alot and, though it's not truly an angry song, there's an amazing feeling of anger welling up from inside of it. Especially when I sing it, in the mood I'm in. It's one of those perfect outlet for rage songs in a song that wouldn't seem to be able to contain it. Kind of like the extended, angry version of Counting Crow's Around Here that I have on one of the bootleg tapes that were made for me. It's amazing to hear it, because you can't recognize the song at first. After, the album version seems foreign to you. For as well as it mopes and bottles meloncholy on the album, the anger and pain he puts into the live version (well, THAT live version...I've heard about 5...all different and all beautiful) is incredible. When he's screaming at the audience "Can't you see me! Can't you see me!" it's something just this side of a religious experience. That, along with the 13 minute version on the Angel of the Silences CD are incredible listens.
I came back into this town in the wee hours of the morning on July 1, 2000. Slipping in like a ghost, I stumbled up the stairs of my parents house and into my old bedroom to collapse. I listened to one song the entire way down. I'll most likely leave the same way, trekking out in the small, quiet hours. Hopefully with someone for company, but more then likely on my own. At least this time, I'm making my move towards a friend instead of away from everyone.
I'm tired and wish to be able to tame my heart and escape my circumstances. A lot of which, I know, are my own problem and making. I have a very hard time letting anyone in and those I let in seem to be the first I lose contact with when I disappear from wherever I've landed. The ones that I don't care much for...the ones who are more acquantances then anything else...they seem to stay. And often, aren't good for me. There are so many people I want to go back to.
My life, epecially since Randy's death, has been punctuated by extraordinarily difficult times followed by a long period where I'm almost in stasis... recovering from what's gone before. I know that I can't do these things on my own, but I have no idea how not to. It's always easier to let yourself be an ear and shoulder for someone else's problems and keep pushing your own back until you reach those early mornings where there's nothing there but you and your thoughts. Nights were movies, games, walks, driving, music... nothing can take you away from the prision your head is creating for you.
I've been having those nights more often as of late, and I know exactly why.
I just don't know how to stop it...well, I do know, I just don't know how to begin in any way that I'd be able to begin. I could write a million scenarios for how someone should get the ball rolling but if I were to ever try it, all the doubts and fears and ghosts of my life throw themselves in my face and tear me away from any ability to fix this. I'm not sure if it's ironic or just pathetic that the very thing that's keeping me from fixing this is the exact same thing that needs fixed.
I'd give a lot right now to go back to the times when I had a few people that were close enough that I could be with them and just hurt. I don't need someone to fix my problems...I just need support and compassion. Something I'm not good at letting people do for me.
Everyone has baggage, but I wear mine fairly well. My problems will not become someone else's problems. There are just times you need an arm around you and a shoulder you can actually let loose and cry on to get over the humps.
And now, with a massive feeling of deja-vu, I depart.
:: Mikel 2:41 PM [+] ::
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:: Sunday, August 04, 2002 ::
Saw Signs the other night with Lowell.
Wow. Damn damn damn. Great fucking movie, very tense. See it in the theatre so you can see the audience freak out.
Felt like absolute shit last night. Went in to go work at C-Street but I had been feeling for awhile on the verge of throwing up, with a pain in my abdomen. It had gotten a bit better before I left...full effect when I got in. Came home and slept, which I hadn't done much of.
I remember there was something I was going to write about, but damn if I can remember it.
I've downloaded a few more tapes over the last couple days. At the point now where about half of the footage is downloaded...need to start saving them on discs soon, because I can't fit them all on the firewire drive. (111 Gigs. Total will probably be around 130-150 gigs, when all is said and done.) While downloading them, I've been watching Twin Peaks, which is facinating as hell. That and Buffy give me hope that I can do tv shows like what I'd like to do... if this movie gets picked up. So many ideas, so many of them for finite series. None of this... let's go until we get bad shit.
Shot at the park today with Rachel, who plays young Rachel, Bill, and Lelia. Had a good time. Jason Pankoke came to take some shots of the filming. We got to get in the fountain a bit. Well, Leila and Rachel did. I didn't. :( Very sad about that. I love going into that fountain...good times, good memories of times when things were simpler and some people weren't as deranged as they've become. We went to coffee for a bit afterwards. Her husband has been Sarah's Viola teacher for quite a while... small world indeed. Apparently Pari is done with her film. I need to write her and see how things are..I'd love to see it.
Went out with Mandy and Erik last night. Mandy is trying to seduce Erik because he's dating someone. During the more then a year (maybe 2) when Erik was trying to get into her pants, she had no interest. Now that he's dating someone (and knows better then to get involved with Mandy...I pity the person who does), she's being obnoxious at times.
Now, to be honest, I find this amusing. (She did the same thing with Jarad.) However, Mandy being Mandy.... I can hang out with mandy one-on-one or in small groups and get along with her. When you get her "out" or with larger groups, she starts all this power games shit that I don't have a desire to play or time or energy for. And I put up with a lot, in general, but the levels of rudeness she gets to at times pisses me off.
Last night, she got shots for herself and Erik. Didn't even ask me. I know Erik didn't want to be alone with Mandy, but I excused myself and left right after. To be that fucking rude and selfish.... fuck, I'd have bought my own shot, but it's becoming more and more clear that Mandy really isn't the kind of person I want to spend much time with.
I look back at all the people who have intertwined, however shortly, in my life, and there are a lot of great people I haven't talked to or seen in years that got away, but the users, the selfish, and the leaches hold on. I don't have the energy for it or the time for it anymore. And, especially since I'll be living with Jarad, getting rid of Mandy would be difficult.
Whereas people like Erik, who rock and who I want to keep tabs with... they're the ones I lose.
I'm better then I was about it, but I still have a long way to go. There are so many that I wish I could see at least once more, just to let them know what they meant to me. I was able to tell my kids how I felt when I left Waukegan, but that's it.
:: Mikel 2:22 PM [+] ::
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:: Thursday, August 01, 2002 ::
Got all moved out yesterday. Was hoping to get it more clean, but Ruben and Emily both had to leave by 6. (Good thing I took off the afternoon at work.) I'll miss the hell out of Ruben, Emily, and Bill. Ruben's like my Mexican brother.... good times.
I was the last one in the house. Went through, took down the last stuff. Said my goodbye to what had been my home and marvelled at how empty it looks. I can't remember it being that empty---then again, I wasn't here to look at it when we first moved in.
Back at my parents place for a month. Not exactly where I want to be, but it'll be fine.
Listening to Bill Hicks right now. My prophet and God. His death was a shame. Currently, it's a live show and it's beautiful how he handles the audience. This type of comedian is rare.
:: Mikel 12:25 PM [+] ::
...
